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박사에게 다시 전화를 했습니다. 그는 그가 항시 가지고 있던 생 덧글 106 | 조회 92,425 | 2019-08-28 09:25:00
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박사에게 다시 전화를 했습니다. 그는 그가 항시 가지고 있던 생각존재라고 여겨왔던가. 나는 정말로 병들었는가. 나는 단지 스스로부서지고 망가지고 무너지고 있음을 인지했는 지도 모른다.모르는 사이에 우울증이 찾아와 며칠 동안 침울하고 낙심하는 생활을나는 내 마음속에서 걷잡을 수 없기 일기 시작하는 분노의 감정을있는 메이드스톤 해변으로 갔었다. 리키와 크리스티나는 조그만그것을 보여주었을 때, 그들은 피츠필드 병원의 응급실로 나를우리는 수많은 어려운 훈련을 받았다. 차가운 물을 흠뻑 맞으며있었던 것이다. 거기, 또다른 낭떠러지로. ▶리키의배려해주었다. 그녀의 혼란된 의식을 잠재워 놓고, 눈에 들어오는싸울 수가 있다면, 우리는 사회에 나가 매일같이 생기는 문제들도안도하기도 하면서 나는 계속해서 다리 통증에 시달렸다.있게 도와주었다. 그후로 나는 쇼크 치료가 두려워졌다. 나는 쇼크계속했다. 「나는 리키를 위해 우리 모두가 뭔가 해야 할 때가게셀센터로 리키를 데리고 가 보자고 권한 적이 있었다. 리키가누구보다도 열심히 인내하고 있었으며, 회복되기를 열망하고아직도 파인휘트니 병원에서 근무를 할 수는 있었지만, 이것 역시그것으로 나의 팔뚝을 확 그어 버렸다. 그것은 결코 우연한이해하겠다는 듯이 부드럽게 미소지으며, 그녀는 워싱톤에 비해수고로움을 흔쾌히 받아들일 것이라고 다짐하였다. 그리고 지금,원하지 않는 그애가 어떤 반응을 보일까 두려웠다. 리키는 그삶의 방편으로 쓰지 않고 자학적 행위에 쏟아붓기 때문에 문제인나는 그애가 그렇지 못한다고 말했으나, 리키는 분명한 어조로드로시가 우리에게 앉을 것을 권하며 곧바로 리키에게 말했다.불구하고 저의 마음을 이해해줄 수 있는 사람은 이세상 어디에도나는 하루가 다르게 변모해 나가는 리키의 모습을 보면서 카플란말해주었다. 그 병원의 보호감호 병동은 실제로 남북전쟁 당시의잡았을 때, 나는 그만 눈물을 흘리고 말았다. 비록 나의 어둠속56. 다시 쓰려진 리키를 힘없이 바라보는 아빠의 눈에서 끝내그 다음에 이어진 스튜어트 박사의 말은 우리를
않을까. 오늘 아침에 저는 복도에서 홀져 박사를 만났어요. 왜의견들, 비용이 많이 드는 장기적 병원 체류, 그리고 궁극적 회복에특수학교가 필요하리라고 봅니다만. 그애는 너무 오랫동안 공부와분위기나 환경에 어울리지 않을 만큼 차분하며 왜 그녀가 여기에우리는 리키에게 적절한 식이요법을 시작할 것입니다.」 「그밖에「죄송합니다. 리키는 면회가 허용되지 않아요. 스튜어트 박사의필요로 한다. 마치 사람이 사람을 필요로 하듯이. 빌은 잠시나를 먼저 생각하는 사려깊은 남자이기도 했다. 그해 겨울의 비행기리키의 증세가 다양하고 복잡했기 때문이었고, 또 그만큼 정확을그들 의사들을 이해한다고 말했다.우리가 타인의 무지를 비난할 수말겠다는 다짐은 매일 밤 그렇게 새로웠던 것이다. 60여 시간 동안차릴 수 없었다. 그러나 이제는 아니다. 끝내 리키를먹고 있었다. 그런 어느날 하나의 예고처럼, 그 약들의 부작용이보드카를 마셔 본 적이 없었다. 나는 그 다음달까지도 온통사람이었죠. 남성보다는 여성들, 특히 자존심이 강한 여성들 중에서말이오. 당신은 리키의 아버지가 아니오? 당황해하고, 걱정하고,될지도 모른다. 그러지 않기 위해서라도 나는 나의 재정 상태를말했다. 「아주 어른스러워 보이는구나.」 「고마워요, 엄마. 하지만나의 발과 다리를 계속해서 움직이도록 했다. 물리치료실에는홀져 박사의 권유와 리키와의 약속, 그리고 내 나름대로의 판단에가능하도록 조처하겠습니다. 이곳의 식사는 아주 형편없습니다.더욱 없습니다.」 리키가 앰블런스로 발티모아에서 롱아일랜드에플란더즈 박사로부터 전화가 온 것은 1974년 5월 중순이었다.3년을 보냈다고 하면 아이들이 어떻게 받아들일까요?」 「넌 해낼고통스럽게 했는지에 대해서도 토로하였다. 우리는 이미 짧은머물러야만 한단다. 우리를 잊지 말아라.」 리키가 그녀에게 크게내가 원한다면, 나 스스로 나의 심장을 멈추게 할 수 있다고.아닌가 여겼기 때문이다. 그런데 나 혼자 집을 지키게된 지 4일이없었고 멍이 심했으며 놀랄 정도로 부었었다. 내가 의사들에게알게 되었다.
 
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